Monster
by Kaosu-hime
Summary: Zero is fighting against his hate of his growing vampire side that threatens to consume the rest of him and his blossoming love for Yuuki. He wants to give her up so he can protect her, but he can't deny it much longer..."


Author's note: This is a songfiction (fanfiction written with the lyrics of a song). The italicized words are NOT mine. They belong to Super Junior (the song used goes by the same name as this story). Thank you!

Monster

_I don't know anything now... I want to forget even if I get _hurt_…_

Screech! Slowly shifting the glass door aside, he winces a little at the high pitched sound it makes. The warm fog is slightly suffocating. He slips on a pair of smoky-grey pants, ruffling his silver-purple hair out of my face with a snow towel and shaking clear water drops free. As he straightens a white shirt, he catches a glimpse at the image trapped in the cloudy reflective glass.

_I steal a glance at the mirror._

In the reflection, he first sees himself. Tall and slim with muscles rippling beneath fair skin. His amethyst eyes slithers down to the neck. A black flower-like design blooms against the bare paleness. As he rubs the midnight pattern, he bares his teeth from an aching pang. Then the dim light shines on the fangs. And his reflection starts to morph. Fangs lengthen and amethyst eyes start to blaze with red fire, a scorching desire for…blood…

_This image becomes ridiculous._

Shaking his head violently, he throws the shirt against the mirror. Then he shuts the bathroom door with a loud slam. The snowy shirt slides down the moist bowl of the sink, weighed down with the drops of the leaky faucet. Sinking deeper and deeper…

Plopping onto a couch, he leans his head against the crimson leather and sighs deeply. His eyes travel the smooth whiteness of the ceiling. "That ceiling is so white and **pure**," He thinks to himself. "Just like snow…and like her…" And, _just like that,_ his mind inevitably travels to her. How long have he had these feelings for her?

_I don't even know how it started. _

-------------------

That shadow-filled and scarlet night many years ago, shook by the strong winter wind, was the darkest night of his life. His family had been murdered. And he was left alone, so painstaking alone.

"This boy is Kiryuu Zero-kun. His family was killed by a bad vampire."

Feeling the chilling wind, he refused to look at her. Consuming hate and strangling sadness was all he could feel and he had no desire for happiness. Revenge had already started to form in his half-crazy mind. There was no light in my world…

Later, when he was alone in the dim shadows of a room, the memories of his parents' death found him again. He could still feel the touch of Shizuka, the vampire responsible for their death. In confused anger, he started to claw at his neck with a hand in desperate hope to wipe all traces of her away.

"Zero-kun?"

From my spot beside the low fire, his amethyst eyes, glowing a little in the light, gazed up to meet her horrified crimson ones. His face betrayed no emotion.

"What are you doing?" she asked, long chestnut-brown hair falling in waves onto her shoulders. Her eyes shone in the dim firelight.

"It feels disgusting," he growled wrathfully. "That woman's…touch still remains…"

"No," she said. "No, stop! It hurts!" Suddenly, she was beside him. Taking his blood-stained hand in hers, she held it closer to her chest, closer to that beating heart. He could hear his heart almost reaching out in response.

After a long moment, she murmured so quietly that only he could hear, "That woman did bad things to your family, didn't she?"

When he didn't answer, she continued in the same soft tone, "You were put through bad things as well, weren't you?" Holding his hand up to her face, he could feel her every word against his cold skin. "It's alright now."

_Tell me with those red lips of yours...that it's _alright.

She gazed up at him. And, slowly, a small smile appeared on her gentle features. "So," she whispered, "I will always be here like this for you. It's alright now…"

As she held his hand for the first time, his heart thumped a little louder than before. It was like it was reborn again. Like his cold body awoke from a dormant sleep. His dark world seemed to lighten a little.

_Just like that! I was captured._

And like that, four years passed before his eyes. Along with the years, he started to have a new feeling whenever he was with her. A warm feeling…And yet he stayed away because he was changing, too. Confusion became a constant companion.

_What is all this? These mixed up feelings. _

"C'mon Zero," she called, waving excitedly. "The sun is going down!"

"I know, I know," he glowered, getting up from the long wooden desk. She smiled again and dashed down the stony path, chestnut hair waving behind her. He ruffled his already messy hair with a hand with the slightest of grins upon his lips. Then he strolled on after her, following her light.

_But I'm following you. It's always been like that…_

"Ugh…augh!" In the light of the crescent moon, he tried to stifle the biting pain that made his entire body quake. He leaned against the stair rail for support, nails digging into the wood. Writhing, he fought to hold down his desire that scorched him, forcing him to its will.

Clatter! The small box fell onto the floor, spilling its contents. Blood tablets. Little white pills that promised salvation in controlling that side, but betraying him when he needed it the most. He wanted to crush them into a million tiny pieces. He had fought against that side for four agonizing years. A shameful side that he hated more than any other thing because it reminded him of painful things. Loss. Loss of family. Loss of control. And, most of all, possible loss of a loved one. This side that made him a… Another convulsion took over him and, clenching his teeth, he tried to bite back another cry of anger and pain.

_I agonize over it and become resentful._

"Zero?" Suddenly, it stopped. He turned towards her figure on the top of the stairs. For a moment, he felt fine as his eyes took in every detail of her…he briefly noticed the bandage wrapped around her palm. Before he could make anything of it, the pangs started again. He felt the red fire take over his eyes and fangs lengthening. He growled darkly in pain.

She mouthed something incoherent, petrified. She reached a hesitant hand out, scared to touch him, but still fearful for him. She was always like that. Caring and gentle…

"Stay away!" he rasped.

Glaring up at her, her eyes widened as his desire escalated. He knew that he brought back painful memories for her. But, she had to get away…he bared his teeth at her. Whether she meant to get help or run away, he saw her veering towards the stairs.

"Yuuki!" he didn't know why her name came forth from his trembling lips. He suddenly grabbed her hand. Her bloodied bandage unraveled before his red-purple eyes. Even he didn't know what happened until he had her in his arms, caging her within his clutch.

Titling her neck away from him, his tongue slithered along her warm exposed skin, leaving a shining trail. He couldn't feel her shake within his hold. He couldn't hear her calling his name, begging him to stop. All he was aware of was the feeling of his fangs sinking into her throat. His darkest fears became a reality. He lost control of himself.

_How many themes have I had this worry?_

-------------------

Ruffling his almost-dry hair, he stretches a little. He glances out the window, only to see darkness and faint outlines. The Day Class's dormitory lights are out. The Night Class should be having their lessons. All is well and the night is calm. Rubbing his neck again, he returns to the couch. Again, his mind wanders back to her.

That side is what he wants to protect her from. That side that makes him a…"a beast that takes on human form. Vampire." That side lusts for her sweet blood. Endangering her in a way no one else can. But he wants to embrace that love that had blossomed so passionately. So that how he is torn. Split between staying by her side, hoping she could love him in return, and running away. Being confused tears him apart…

_How many times do I have to be torn? _

-------------------

After that incident a few weeks ago, he decided that protecting her is much more important than his probably one-sided love. Loving from afar didn't seem so bad. So he avoided her, in case he wanted to hurt her again. Every time he saw her pained face, he ached, but managed to turn away. Avoiding her would've been easy if it wasn't for his heart. If only his heart would listen to him. His lonely heart cried for her.

_No matter how much I scream, and cry,_ m_y pained lonely heart still hurts,_ missing you_._

He told himself, again and again, "_When tonight passes, I'll be able to forget you. When tonight passes, I'll be able to erase you._"

But his heart just didn't listen. He fought with himself, but he still saw the same unavoidable ending. With him, she would be in danger. His control over that side was as strong as his power to change the seasons at will. Near impossible. Would he be able to forgive himself if he hurt her?

_Even though I see the inescapable outcome,_

"Yuuki will never love me back," he said to himself. "Don't dream. How could someone like her ever love me?" His heart just told him to have faith. Will his heart ever be satisfied? What a greedy heart…

_I can't_ seem to be able to_ give you up. I want only the breathing you._

-------------------

"ZERO!"

He jumped. Whipping his head around, his heart beats in panic. Then he sees it is only her. Even after the scare, his heart thumps a loud welcome. "Don't do that!" He said angrily, sitting a little straighter against the couch.

"I called you a few times already," she returns crossly. Moving over, she wraps her arms around him. He freezes, not sure what to do. He was afraid that her head against his chest would hear the thunderous heartbeats.

"You looked so sad," she whispered.

Embarrassed and lost for anything to say, he pushes her away a little. "Don't be so close to me. I'm a vampire remember? You should be more careful, Yuuki. _I'm dangerous. More than a starved beast. Don't get caught._"

Strongly meeting his eyes, she says, clearly, "I don't care."

He stares at her. "Yuuki…" Tilting her head slightly, she smiles. That caring smile. He can't hold back anymore. He wraps his arms around her shoulders, burying his nose into her hair. It is slightly moist and smells like shampoo. He can feel her lips against his neck.

"Yuuki…" This time her name leaves his lips as a breathless sigh. "Is it really alright for you to stay with me like this?" he almost didn't want to believe that she would really accept him. "I could hurt you at anytime…"

"Zero," she cut in. Pushing him away a little, she gazes deeply into his eyes. They waver a little. "I made a promise. I'll be here for you. It's alright."

_Tell me with those red lips of yours...that it's _alright to love you like this_. _

A slightly trembling hand leaves her shoulder to reach up and hold her face, that gentle, sweet, smiling face. He raises his chin, closing the distance between them. Herr dark scarlet eyes widen as his amethyst ones close. The unseen electricity sparks inside of him when his cold lips get closer to hers. He can feel her warm breath. So close…then…

His forehead falls softly against her shoulder. After a moment, he hears her melodic voice whisper close to his ear, somewhat hesitantly, "Zero?"

"Nothing," he murmurs. "It's nothing."

_Don't get caught, I'm dangerous. More than a starved beast. When I_'m with _you, I'm merely a hopeless, thirsty _monster_._


End file.
